Discovery Call

Through my own journey in birth, and so many women I meet and speak to, a common theme recurs. That of judgement, fear, misinformation, and stigma around a woman’s journey in the perinatal period.   

As my mothering, perinatal research and support for birthing and postpartum mummas continues, I believe it is every woman’s rite of passage to have the support, information, resources, advocacy and care she deserves during what can be her most transitional, beautiful, difficult, magical, sacred, and challenging life stages.

I am a mum to three little people, born in water at home, who inspire me, every day, along with my incredible life partner - their dad and, of course, our fur baby, Staffy.
 

 When I was pregnant with my first baby, I met up with a friend who told me that someone she knew was planning a home birth. I was in awe and a little nervous for this person as I uttered “Wow, I wouldn’t be able to do that!”

Sometime later, this person had her baby and my friend introduced us. We chatted at length about her experience and, I was like, “I think I want to do this”. So, the journey began.

Firstly, I contacted her acupuncturist and Chinese medicine practitioner. Our consultation was amazing, the practitioner helped me to unpack many of my fears, past traumas, and feelings that I had subconsciously stored away. She said it was important to address all your thoughts and feelings as they all tend to come up at the time of birthing your baby. I was in the third trimester at this stage and as we talked, I found myself feeling calmer and a lot less wrapped up in fear with having a baby. We started talking about the hospital and how I was preparing for birth there, but I wasn’t sure as it seemed so unnatural. 

The practitioner popped out to make a phone call and came back to ask if I would be interested in exploring home birth. I said I would, and she explained her connection with the private midwife who had been the midwife of the person who I had spoken to and she had the ability to take me on as a client if I wanted to chat to her. So, as soon as I got home, I made the phone call to this midwife and from that moment on, I never looked back.

It took a little convincing to get my partner on board with home birth, I remember him saying “ah, maybe next time but I think for the first time, let’s stick with the hospital”. I assured him that all the parameters were in place should anything not go to plan, and I would go to our closest hospital as would be prearranged. From then, I really felt I was on my way. I kept seeing my acupuncturist and my midwife for appointments. We talked about everything, from positions in birth, a birth plan should I need to go to hospital, to what to do to massage my perineum in preparation for the opening and ‘ring of fire’ that would occur during the baby’s head crowning. I had Hypnobirthing classes amid all this too and I started talking to a student midwife who, as part of her placement, was going to come to the birth. I felt great, well supported with a raft of reading that my midwife gave me, as well as videos and lots of online material that made me more confident everyday on my way to my impending birthing day.

My baby's birthing day arrived, and I remember waking after a great night’s sleep around 5am to my first contraction. I was so excited! I turned every light on in the house and my partner came home around half an hour later from his night shift. The adrenaline soon kicked in for him and we were both brimming. We started timing contractions; he ran me a bath and we had some brekkie. I rang my midwife and she said excitedly, you’re going to have a baby today!!! I put on some essential oils, did some more reading, and started listening to a rainbow relaxation that was given to us as part of my birth course. This was intertwined with some music, and I just remember pacing around the house as the contractions became more and more intense. The birth pool had been set up and we’d already had a practice run the week before so we knew how long it would take to fill. I had some time on the fit ball while my partner filled the pool. I remember we were both so Zen and relaxed (probably because he was half asleep) but I really remember how good I felt and as the contractions came, faster at this stage, I was on a high.

My midwife came as the contractions were becoming more intense and, at one stage, she said that I needed to get off my tippy toes and bear down – I didn’t even realise I was doing this and as I changed positions it felt much better. She said she was just going to pop home (as she lived around the corner) to get something and to call if the contractions became more frequent. 

As soon as she left, I had the most intense pressure and as I discovered later, when she came back, that my waters had just broken. That was the beginning of the release, I started throwing up and then jumped back in the pool (I had been in and out for a while) the baby was ready and so was I. As the contractions became stronger and the urge to push became ever greater, the student midwife and second midwife came, and it all went super-fast. I remember my midwife at one stage saying to slow it down and breathe as if I kept pushing with the same amount of force I was going to tear. This helped me greatly as did the student midwife telling me in my ear that I had this, that I could do it and that it was all going amazingly.

Before I knew it, the ring of fire was upon me, it was the most intense, yet strong and empowering feeling I have ever had. My midwife said to put my hands down to touch the baby’s head as it was crowning and oh, wow, what a moment. I remember it feeling soft and slippery. In two quick surges, this little slippery being was in the water, staring up at me. Next thing I knew, my partner reached down and pulled the baby up into my arms exclaiming “it’s a girl!”. The most amazing feeling EVER. The love drug, oxytocin had well and truly overtaken me then. I was in awe, of this baby, this experience and for the first time, myself. Wow. My partner had been with me the whole time and was holding me as I cradled our baby in the water, and we were just stupidly grinning and laughing with joy at one another. She just came out on a rainbow, we said. That’s how I will remember this birth, forever. 

That first hour (the golden hour) was incredible. I made my way out of the pool and onto the chair with our little bundle wrapped in my arms. I’ll never forget her looking up at me with her gorgeous big bright eyes and then naturally finding my breast to feed. My midwife was with me, as was my partner, and she directed me in latching and how best to hold the baby for comfort and ease of feeding. 

It was the most magical time.

The placenta on the other hand took a little longer to come than expected and, if I’m completely honest, I found it difficult, unlike the birth itself. Once out I went and had a shower while my partner held our baby and then I went to bed while he and my midwife weighed, measured, and put the nappy on and dressed our baby. 

The glow after the birth lasted so long. My partner was still racing with adrenaline, having slept only around 40 minutes in nine hours of my labour coupled with the 10 hours he had worked. After my midwife, second midwife and student midwife had left we sat in that glow for a couple of hours and then all fell into a blissful sleep. It had been a euphoric yet exhausting journey for all three of us, not to mention our beautiful fur baby, Alia, who had been a wonderful support to me also.

Self-belief and mindset is my key take away from all of this, coupled with determination and strength, mainly in shutting out all the negative talk and judgement that I relentlessly received in the lead up to the home birth I had planned to have. 

I was astounded that so many felt that their opinion was the right one and, more than at any other time in my life, felt that they could offer it, boldly and without me asking. It was quite a shock and something I vowed never to do – I think, more than anything, was what led me to doing this work. 

YOU are the decider of what is right for you and your baby. YOU have the right to decide where, with whom and how you will birth your baby x